I Tapped the Glass...

Current Balance: $1021

So I went to my friend's Monday night summer series tonight, despite the fact I will not be around to participate in the main event. I can say now, won't be going back. At my first table, we had an absolute blast. We were all playing very respectfully, cracking jokes, and just having a grand ole time. Unfortunately, our table was the first to break and we were divided between the remaining two tables. The chip leader at my table is unanimously considered the worst player in the game, but he is also a ridiculous lucksack. He would call 3-bets all in with hands like QJ and just hit hit hit. On a board of 955Q5 (no flush possibilities), the small blind made a smallish bet on the river in a FIVE way pot. This dumbass thinks for a minute and says, "I don't believe you have anything", before calling and showing J4.

Hate to break it to you sir, but even if you don't think he has anything, neither do you. You have J high. Not to mention the fact that you limped in middle position at a full table with J 4 suited. Can we also return to the fact that there were five players in this hand? Why, on God's green earth, would this player bluff from the small blind with four players to act behind him?

The thing is, being a friendly game, there are several godawful players in the game. There always are. So I should be nice and keep my mouth shut, right? Well, here's my problem: This guy constantly drones on and on about how he knows how people play and how he reads people so well and, my god, he may as well be Daniel Negreanu for all the masterful poker play embedded into his very soul.

And the second thing is this: I have worked my ass off for nearly two years now establishing a reputation amongst these players of being solid and tight, like borderline Nitzilla tight. I bluff once every 200 hands or so. I have never, ever check raised bluffed in these games and anyone with half a brain ought to realize that when I bet, I have something. But, tonight, like Saturday, like the three tournaments before that, I have found myself in situations in which the entire table, myself included, sit there with our jaws agape at what these people call me with. I am often critical and reflective of my own play and, after reviewing each of the hands with myself and others, I can't think of any other way to play them.

Here is how I went out tonight:
Blinds 75/150
I am under the gun with AJ. I don't really love raising UTG with AJ at a 10 handed table, especially with the calling stations I endure in these games, so I elect to limp. The pot is 5-way leading to the flop, which is AdQc3d. Since it hasn't been raised, my only real concern here is if someone has A3 or A4, but I figure I will find out on the flop where I am at because, with all the draws, two pair is prolly going to put in a raise here. There is 750 in the pot, so I lead out for 500. Dumbass calls instantly behind me, everyone else folds. I have narrowed down my range of hands on him to a weak ace or a diamond draw. Even though he is stupid, everyone in that game knows on an A high board, when I bet out, 98.8% of the time I have an Ace, and half of the remaining time I have a set. He knows this. We have played together so many times there is no way he CAN'T know this. Turn is a non-diamond 4, I throw in 800, he insta moves all in.

Now I am in a bind. If my weak ace theory is correct, he could have A4, but I just have such a difficult time believing he would call in that situation knowing he absolutely had to be crushed. I only have 2000 chips behind me and the blinds have just gone up. I think the hand over in my head and I begin to convince myself that he, as he has done numerous times before, is overvaluing a mid-range ace like A7-A10. Moreover, there is the, "don't want to lose to a girl" factor that would prompt him to shove here to try to induce a fold. I ultimately conclude I have too much invested not to call , but before I make a decision I say, "I really don't believe that you are actually stupid enough to call me with A4. You know better. You can't be that stupid. And if you aren't that stupid, I don't see how I don't have you right here so I call." Then, the man tables....

4 fucking 4

I realize how mean it is to berate someone, but I just can't help myself. Because, I mean, my God, he doesn't even have the four of diamonds in his hand and he immediately calls a bet from UTG from not only the tightest person at the table, but the tightest person in the tournament. And I just wonder why I bother establishing a table image that 87% of the people I play with are too ignorant to pay attention to. And I wonder when, if ever, I will have the bankroll to play in a game in which the majority of people DO pay attention to table image than don't. $1/$2 at the baot is a hit or miss crowd and I can't conceive of a point where I will be fiscally capable of playing $2/$5 so it becomes disheartening. Because I want so very badly to play in a game where I can hone my skills and get better, but I keep getting stuck in these situations where I have to dumb down my play and my thinking and it isn't helping me grow and develop as a player one lick.

The only explanation I can think of? Alternate universe

I played at Argosy last night. It was, I am not kidding, no exaggeration, the worst table of limit poker I have ever encountered in my life. I was at the point of wanting to find the chimp that plays poker and starting up a game with him in an attempt to improve the quality of play.

I know, I know, we love the fish. Don't tap the glass. If you can't clean up at that table how do you ever expect to be a winning player? But again, I maintain, that I would rather play at the high stakes table in Bobby's Room, because at least I am dealing with human beings who don't make me wonder how they even remember to breath they are so ignorant. Not card ignorant. Just ignorant. There was a guy who would call the flop bet, someone would raise, we'd all call, then the guy would re-raise with......10 high. 10 hi. 10. Yeah. He can be the Donk of the Week this week.

While one would think this is easy money, I have a hard time putting 40 bucks into a pot with A high simply because the man I am playing against is batshit crazy and it might be good. I hope to God, if I can go to Vegas this summer, that i can try some 5/10 and play in a game that isn't full of people who confuse limit poker with video poker or roulette. We'll see....

Gabrielle300...you are going to regret that

This is Gabrielle300. If you play on PokerStars, you may have met her. She is the one at your table doing the stupidest things imaginable. Why would I categorize Gabrielle this way, you ask? Well, let me provide you with a couple of hands from today's Stud Hi/Lo tournament. I did something dumb and decided to play the tourney even though it was $10, because it is my best game and there are so rarely any large tournaments that offer it. The following two hands are from the late stages of the tournament, close to the money bubble bursting, where most everyone, us included, had less than 10 big bets. During the first hand, we were pretty much even. The second hand busted me out on the bubble. They follow below:

*********** # 4 **************

PokerStars Game #14706953488: Tournament #73423480, $10+$1 7 Card Stud Hi/Lo Limit - Level XIII (1000/2000) - 2008/01/20 - 21:16:20 (ET)Table '73423480 3' 8-max

Seat 1:(11774 in chips)

Seat 2:(15733 in chips)

Seat 3:(12003 in chips)

Seat 4: Gabrielle300 (11417 in chips)

Seat 7: (2237 in chips)

Seat 8: uscjess (10342 in chips)

*** 3rd STREET ***

Dealt to Meesy [Th]

Dealt to Malc [9s]

Dealt to lolisa [Ad]

Dealt to Gabrielle300 [4d]

Dealt to woodburst [Js]

Dealt to uscjess [Kc 4c Kh]

Gabrielle300: brings in for 300

Seat 7: folds

uscjess: raises 700 to 1000

Seat 1: folds

Seat 2: folds

Seat 3: folds

Gabrielle300: calls 700

*** 4th STREET ***

Dealt to Gabrielle300 [4d] [7c]

Dealt to uscjess [Kc 4c Kh] [6c]

uscjess: bets 1000

Gabrielle300: calls 1000

*** 5th STREET ***

Dealt to Gabrielle300 [4d 7c] [5d]

Dealt to uscjess [Kc 4c Kh 6c] [7s]

uscjess: checks Gabrielle300: checks

*** 6th STREET ***

Dealt to Gabrielle300 [4d 7c 5d] [3c]

Dealt to uscjess [Kc 4c Kh 6c 7s] [5s]

uscjess: checks

Gabrielle300: checks

*** RIVER ***Dealt to uscjess [Kc 4c Kh 6c 7s 5s] [9d]

uscjess: checks

Gabrielle300: checks

*** SHOW DOWN ***

Gabrielle300: shows [3s 4s 4d 7c 5d 3c Qs] (HI: two pair, Fours and Threes)

uscjess: mucks hand

Gabrielle300 collected 5200 from pot

Now, I can admit that I played this hand relatively passively, but let me explain my thinking. I have been playing virtually no hands. When I am raising in MP with a K up, to me, it is a given I have split kings. When Gabrielle calls, I put her on some sort of three card low/straight draw. The 7 gives her, in my mind, 4 to a low with a possible straight draw. The five pretty much kills my action because I am guessing she has a made low and I don't see the point in juicing the pot with a single large pair when her hand could potentially improve (or already be a straight).

It wasn't the worst play I had seen all day, but I still don't like calling a raise there when you only have five big bets. If I was in later position and it looks like a steal, maybe. Moreover, the call on 4th street isn't one I am particularly fond of either. Not to mention, she had been chastising other players for being big calling stations, so the split fours didn't ever cross my mind as a possibility.

After the hand, all I say was "interesting call" and leave it at that. Later, I get involved in a hand where a player has Aces showing on 4th st, but with 5 big bets, a 3 flush, 3 straight, 4 to a low and dead money from two other players who had called a raise, I felt like I needed to take off a couple of cards. She then begins to ridicule me for no particular reason talking about how stupid I am for not seeing aces. I am a lil peeved now and I type, "yeah, that must be it, I'm effing blind".

We are down to hand for hand and I have the bring in with 1600 or so left and here is what goes down:

PokerStars Game #14707054678: Tournament #73423480, $10+$1 7 Card Stud Hi/Lo Limit - Level XIV (1500/3000) - 2008/01/20 - 21:21:23 (ET)Table '73423480 3' 8-max

Seat 1: (19574 in chips)

Seat 2: (20020 in chips)

Seat 3: (10303 in chips)

Seat 4: Gabrielle300 (11967 in chips)

Seat 8: (1642 in chips)

*** 3rd STREET ***

Dealt to Seat 1 [Jh]

Dealt to Seat 2 [7c]

Dealt to Seat 3 [4d]

Dealt to Gabrielle300 [Qh]

Dealt to uscjess [Ad 9c 2c]

uscjess: bets 1342 and is all-in

Seat 1: folds

Seat 2: folds

Seat 3: folds

Gabrielle300: calls 1342

*** 4th STREET ***

Dealt to Gabrielle300 [Qh] [8s]

Dealt to uscjess [Ad 9c 2c] [Kd]

*** 5th STREET ***

Dealt to Gabrielle300 [Qh 8s] [6h]

Dealt to uscjess [Ad 9c 2c Kd] [7d]

*** 6th STREET ***

Dealt to Gabrielle300 [Qh 8s 6h] [7h]

Dealt to uscjess [Ad 9c 2c Kd 7d] [2s]

*** RIVER ***

Dealt to uscjess [Ad 9c 2c Kd 7d 2s] [3d]

Gabrielle300 said, "bye bubble boy"

*** SHOW DOWN ***

Gabrielle300: shows [7s Tc Qh 8s 6h 7h 8c] (HI: two pair, Eights and Sevens)

uscjess: shows [Ad 9c 2c Kd 7d 2s 3d] (HI: a pair of Deuces)

Gabrielle300 collected 4184 from pot

No low hand qualified

7Q10 is just about the ugliest stud hi/lo hand I have ever seen. It is BEYOND me why you would invest 10% of your stack into knocking a player out with a hand that doesn't play EITHER way. You have no good high card, no good low card and I genuinely, sincerely doubt that I am going to stick it in there against a hand that you have beat. She just called to be a vengeful spiteful whore or she has absolutely no concept of how stud hi/lo works.

I know, I know, don't tap the glass. But, considering how badly I have been running, and considering I was ONE spot away from a $30 cash (which is unfortunately a huge amount for me) I have to rant. Because this person is not a skilled poker player, as her SharkScope stats may indicate. She has managed to donk off $100 bucks in a mere 18 sngs. I know these are unfair stats because of the small sample size, but she, herself, pointed out her "AMAZING" stats on poker db, when, in reality she has a few cashes in a very small sample side in very small buy ins.

So, in honor of my neverending frustration with bad play, I am not only going to make darling Gabrielle300 my inaugural donk of the week, I am going to name the award after her. Congrats Gabrielle for being both a bad player and a luckbox, earning such a fantastic honor. May all your suckouts be brutal and your learning curve steep, because you are in a world of hurt if you don't get better.